Did he spill soda all over you? Did she take an extra 20 minutes to get ready and make you wait awkwardly with her roommates? Did he forget your name – three times? Did it feel like there wasn’t any “spark”? Whatever the reason date number one didn’t work out, it shouldn’t mean you automatically rule out a second.
First impressions are important, but they aren’t always accurate. Just like you can change your mind about a song after giving it a second listen, you never know if you’ll feel the same the second time around. Maybe they had an off day, or you had an off day, or your expectations were unrealistically high and set an unreachable standard – either way, keep an open mind.
If you’re hesitant to give the other person a second date because they were disrespectful, hostile or made you feel in any way unsafe, trust your instincts; there should not be a second date. However, if the date went bad for any of the following reasons, consider giving them a second chance:
Nerves
If they were obviously nervous and seemed awkward or shy, give them a second chance. People will loosen up as they get to know someone, so they might be more fun the second time around.
Unrelated circumstances
If they got stuck in traffic, it started to rain on your picnic or you didn’t like where they took you to dinner, give them a second chance. Things like that are outside their control and shouldn’t be seen as a black mark when considering their potential as a romantic interest.
No spark
If you didn’t get butterflies or see stars or feel fireworks, that doesn’t mean they should be written off as having no future with you. Sometimes you need to get to know who a person better before you start to feel a connection, so it’s worth a second date.
Bad timing
If you’re just getting over a breakup or are really busy at school, saying no to a second date can be a tempting. You never know what will help you get over your ex, or whether they’ll actually distract you from your school work. A new relationship could be exactly what you need.
–Shaye Mullen
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