Have you ever gone to the ice cream shop and found yourself stuck in line behind the most indecisive person in the world? You know, the person who has to try every flavor before making a decision?
Unfortunately, this attitude isn’t unique to ice-cream shops.
Known colloquially as FOMO (fear of missing out), some people feel they need to sift, or swipe, through everyone in a 25-mile radius in order to find the best-possible significant other. While you should never settle, it’s important to recognize when you’re treating dating like sampling ice cream flavors.
Have you, or one of your friends, said something like this before?
“Madison is really cute and smart and funny. Man, I haven’t liked a girl this much in a long time. But, the thing is, she isn’t very good at cooking. I don’t want to settle—what if there’s a girl out there who’s the total package?”
“Kevin is literally everything I could want in a guy, but I really think that if I wait it out I’ll be able to find someone taller with the same qualities.”
If you answered “yes”, you might be an ice cream sample dater.
There Is No Perfect Match
While looking for your perfect flavor of ice cream, you may become preoccupied with certain qualities, forgetting what’s essential and what’s merely a strong preference.
Is it really important that she loves basketball or that she cooks the same way as your mom? Is it really a total game changer if he’s not exactly five inches taller than you or not as car-savvy as your dad?
Take a step back and evaluate what’s really important. Beauty fades. Interests change. Habits come and go. However, character and personality remain pretty consistent. Choose the things that really matter.
Look for Potential, Not Perfection
When it comes to dating, you may find yourself searching for perfection in a world of imperfect people.
However, you should be looking for potential, not perfection. They’re not going to be perfect. But neither are you. You both have flaws and shortcomings.
Stop Looking for ‘The One’
It may be rather unromantic, but the reality is that there is no one-perfect-person out there for you. Dating and marriage is not about finding the one, but finding someone, while not just settling for anyone.
You should never compromise on the things that are most important to you, such as goals, beliefs and values.
Some people will fit you better than others, and when you find someone who fits you better than anyone before, give him or her a shot.
It’s About Effort
You don’t find perfect relationships, you create them.
Hard times are unavoidable in any relationship — that’s just life. There’s a misconception that because some parts are hard, the relationship itself must not be right.
When going through hardships in the relationship, take a step back and evaluate whether both partners have put in the time and commitment that the relationship needs. If you find that one partner isn’t fully engaged, that is the time to reevaluate the relationship.
Great relationships don’t just fall into your lap, and it’s not one person’s responsibility to pull the weight.
The Final Scoop
Like testing flavors at an ice cream shop, it’s tempting to think there is always someone better on the horizon, or that meeting someone fantastic just means that you’re one step closer to finding that elusive 10.
This is the FOMO-attitude, which can have long-lasting consequences. If you always pursue the hypothetical best, you’ll end up losing out on a lot of potentially great relationships.
Don’t settle, but certainly don’t get caught up in the search for perfection, because, unlike flavors at the ice cream counter, a lot of those people won’t still be there when you realize that the best flavor for you was 15 mini-spoons ago.
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