Asking someone out sounds great in theory, but can be difficult when the moment arrives.
Situation 1: You can’t tell if she is interested.
“I think girls need to show if they are interested in guys,” Brian Parkinson said. “Guys won’t likely ask girls out who show no emotion toward them.”
Ladies, it’s hard enough for the guys to work up the courage to ask you out – don’t make it more difficult by acting indifferent or detached around them. If you like the guy, show him.
Guys, one way to avoid this problem is to specify that you are taking the girl on an actual date. Girls often feel confused if the guy invites them to “hang out” or come along on a group activity; should they act like they came with you or should they just act like a friend?
It’s hard for girls to show emotion if they don’t know if the guy is interested, just like it’s hard for the guys to ask a girl out if they don’t know if she’ll say yes.
Solution: Act how you feel! If you like someone, show them. If you don’t like someone, tell them.
Situation 2: You want to get to know that cute guy or girl you see around campus but don’t know how to introduce yourself.
The key here is to make sure you come across as friendly, not creepy. If it seems like the other person notices you too, introduce yourself the next time you see them and invite them to get a Jamba Juice or study together sometime. If your first real interaction goes well, proceed with asking them on a real date.
However, if the other person avoids eye contact, seems to be in a hurry, is with another person or looks worried when you approach, abort the mission.
Solution: Introduce yourself, but respect the other person and read their body language. If they seem uninterested, gracefully end the conversation and move on.
Situation 3: You don’t know which method to use to ask someone on a date.
The unanimous response to an informal survey of BYU females found they prefer to be asked on a date in person.
“Every girl wants a guy who makes them feel wanted,” Jessica Alessi said. She went on to explain that when guys ask girls out in person it makes them feel appreciated and special.
If you need pointers on what to say, see situation four.
If you’re uncomfortable asking someone out in person, the next best option is over the phone. By calling. NOT TEXTING.
Facebook, Gchat, Twitter, etc. are not preferable outlets for asking someone out. It takes courage to ask someone out using your own voice, but it’s always better to hear from you than the impassive silence of technology.
Solution: Ask someone out in person if you can, and if you can’t call them on the phone.
Situation 4: You’re asking someone out in person but don’t know what to say.
When you ask someone out face-to-face, don’t feel like you have to go up and ask him or her on the date then walk away. There are ways to bring up going out without making it awkward or putting either of you on the spot too much.
Ways to ask them out:
A. Find a way to do something alone after a group activity:
“Do you want to grab a milkshake after the football game on Saturday?”
B. Follow his or her lead:
“Oh you like MGMT too? We should go to the Twilight Concert Series next week!”
C. Invite him or her to a school event:
“Hey I’ve got this extra credit lecture I have to go to but I don’t know anybody who will be there – do you want to come with me?”
D. Look for interesting activities:
“Did you see the poster for the Dating Game activity this week? We should go!”
Situation 5: You are under the impression that asking someone out needs to be an extravagant spectacle.
No. This is not prom; this is real life. Please do not feel like you need to make a big deal out of asking someone on a date.
All this will do is put pressure on both of you, which will make it difficult to really get to know your date.
When you ask him or her on the date, don’t try to be someone you’re not. Don’t think you need to buy dozens of flowers, ask them to a super expensive restaurant or write their name in glitter on the front porch.
You want the person you ask on the date to say “yes” because they like you, not because they feel like they have to go because you asked them in such an elaborate way.
Solution: Show the person you are asking out that you are interested, but don’t make them uncomfortable when you go about the asking.
Situation 6: You believe girls can’t ask guys out.
Ladies, most guys we surveyed said they love it when girls ask them out. Sometimes they don’t know if you are interested, but when you ask them out they know.
“I asked a guy on a date a while back and it was really fun and I would do it again, but I’d plan better,” Brittany Hiatt said.
Some guys may not like it if you ask them out, but you won’t know until you try. At the worst they say no, at the best you have a wonderful time together because you took a chance.
Solution: Go for it!
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